


i guess you could say im in love

by twinklyhowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, enjoy this mess I wrote at 10PM, tried to make it power couple but it turned out more domestic than I thought, very very mild violence in VII so skip if u need
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 23:00:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5023936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinklyhowell/pseuds/twinklyhowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the nine times phil assumed he loved dan and the tenth time he realised he knew all along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i guess you could say im in love

**Author's Note:**

> i dedicate this to all my mutuals on twitter esp. amelia for always inspiring me to write

I.

there was nothing I was more certain about in the entire world than the subtle similarities between sunlight and dan howell. both helped me rise in the morning, remind me of a new day. both gave a certain warmth to my skin upon first touch, a familiarity that begged my senses for more. but somehow dan was so much more, he meant so much more. his importance wasn't defined by a routine of sunrise and sunset, but rather of a temperature change from a breezy day to a steamy night. dan was a man who had his eyes set on the prize, his determination pierced through his fingertips as he chased after what he wanted countless time and time again. but the one objective he chased after day in and day out never seemed to attempt to run away from him. and that was me. It wasn't that I had no motivation to run, it was simply because I didn't want to leave him. I guess you could say I'm in love.

 

II.

phil was a four letter word that tasted bland upon my lips. i was nothing more than a irrelevant home brand cereal that tried to pass off as its more popular originals. but for some reason, dan howell couldn't get enough of his home brand. my mornings were filled with coffee stained lips and ink filled newspapers, but I always felt something was missing. that is, until soft chocolate eyes catch glimpse at mine, and when your lips collide with your lover's at such a ripe time of the morning, it feels almost magical, surreal to say the least. kissing dan was something special and it was something I never felt tired of doing. his lips were soft and delicate, and the intimate brushing against mine made my eyes roll into the back of my head. he kissed with passion, and with thought, and they were stained with a certain type of sultry that left the back of my mouth begging for more. I guess you could say I'm in love.

 

III.

sharing an apartment with your best friend is one thing. you can pull pranks, steal their towels while they're showering, replace the milk with cream cheese, purposely misplace sock pairs, hide the tv remote underneath your shirt. sharing an apartment with your boyfriend is whole other story. pranks are replaced with bouquets of flowers, towels aren't an issue when you've spent the past six years exploring every inch of each other's bodies, mapping every crease, every bump, bruise, freckle and mole. milk and cream cheese are not relevant in the restocking of the groceries once you find out you've been unfortunate enough to have a body that rejects the idea of lactose. socks are shared and pairs play no role in determining the status of one's organisation, and dan refuses to watch tv when we can sit in the comforts of his bed rolled under cold sided duvets lazily draped together watching american horror story on a Saturday afternoon. I guess you could say I'm in love.

 

IV.

the smell of Los Angeles is always surprising, less of kale and more of gas emissions. money is more of an accessory than a necessity, and after the clock strikes midnight at these complex YouTube parties, the cameras are turned off and the phones are put away, and as everyone's bodies away to the music, I find myself lost in the middle of the dance floor, my sweaty body pressed against dan's. his intoxication brings out a certain seductive quality to his presence, and as I try my absolute hardest not to spill my glass of wine, his lips clash against my neck and begin to bury themselves into the crevice of my collarbones. dan's fingers are quick to undo each button of my shirt but fortunately my lips interfere with his train of thought, and as I pivot towards the refreshments table to place down my drink, dan falls into me, his arms draped around my neck, my hips grind into his as we continue to step back against the walls of the club. the strobe lights and pounding music become unnoticed as I find myself packed with adrenaline as dan's hands roam every inch of my back, his nails tracing rough lines into my spine as our tongues collide between kisses. the way dan moans is unlike any sound I've ever heard before, and there's something so hypnotising about the way dan moans that sends my hormones into overdrive, and as we stumble into the closest elevator, desperate to explore each other in full depth in the comforts of our hotel room, we stop momentarily. with our hormones aside, we stand with our hands intertwined by our sides, and although the lighting in the elevator is rather dismal and saturated, i look at dan and witness nothing but beauty it's it's most purest form. I guess you could say I'm in love.

 

V.

there is a quote I saw dan reblog on tumblr that reads "your mother forgot to tell you that ripping hearts out is not how you find love, my dear." my mother never gave me advice like that, only wished me the best for my relationships and gave comfort when they ended poorly, so it was no surprise that dan was her favourite by far. he took care of me, which was amusing due to the definite age gap, and mother always tried to embarrass me in front of dan, exaggerate about how much I spoke about him six years ago when we first began talking online, explain how I kept his pile of letters on my bedside table for easy access to read when I was feeling mellow, recounting the absolute joy that ran through my veins after the first weekend we spent together in my house alone. she has never been so happy to see me in love, and it was days like these, sat around a hearty meal in my parents home on a late Wednesday evening that reminded me of how incredibly lucky I am to have found love in a partner the way my parents did. I guess you could say I'm in love.

 

VI.

if yes means yes and no means no, then what does it mean when your response to a group get together with your only friends is "yeah, no"? it's certainly not my fault, but of all the days to go ten pin bowling and a feast at the local pub, our friends chose bath night. dan had already run the two of us a warm bubble bath laced with rose petals and topped off with cheap red wine that we sipped in between kisses. as I untied my robe and let if drop to the floor, I heard a few inaudible moans escape from between dan's lips. it was his subtle way of letting me know that I looked good and that my insecurities could be washed away as soon as I entered the tub. which of course, I did. but bath night goes south very quickly, and as dan's hands travel over my entire body, his fingers so relaxing to the touch, I begin to straddle his hips and rock back and forth rhythmically, hearing dan's moans become louder and more understandable. dan's articulate form melts into a variety of swears and groans as I take him further and further to his climax, and as the two of us are pressed up against each other so intimately in the candlelight, I can't help but realise I understand the meaning behind "yeah, no." I guess you could say I'm in love.

 

VII.

despite contrary to popular belief, i am not the jealous type. sure, there are certain situations where I find myself protective over dan, but there's nothing wrong with protecting what's rightfully mine. so when I walk across the room for five minutes to have quick conversation with friends I barely attempt to keep proper contact with, I don't expect to turn around and find another man weaving his body around my boyfriend. again, I'm not the jealous type, so it's completely and utterly okay for me to storm up to this man, whose face is unrecognisable, clearly ruling him out as irrelevant to my life, and remind him of who I am. I'm not the jealous type, so it's no wonder this man's intoxication speaks words for him in the form of physical contact, and not of the sensual kind. his knuckles are tougher than I thought they'd be, aggressively caressing my cheek, but dan's arms are quick to wrap around my waist and pull me close, as if stepping inside my childhood home after a long day of school. only this wasn't school, and I wasn't finished with this man. as the cut on my lip drips blood, i clench my fists and swing, almost shocked by my coordination skills when I feel my skin crunch against pure muscle. he chuckles, amused by my threatening physique, which is enough of a distraction for me to buckle his knee, and watch him collapse to the floor. gasps surround the room and as I turn around to face dan, whose face shows him absolute mesmerised, we're unhappily escorted by security, and dan is quick to remind me between laughs, "you really are the jealous type, aren't you?" I guess you could say I'm in love.

 

VIII.

I enjoy spending Monday afternoons strolling around the busy streets of London staring aimlessly into windows. despite my goldfish tendencies, it's rather difficult to have something catch my eye, but when I spend afternoons like these walking alone, I tend to realise I have more time to browse leisurely. this is one of the rare instances I can wholeheartedly agree that dan holds me back from. how peculiar, that a 24 year old man can stop a 27 year old man from daydreaming through the glass of a trinket store. there's a reason I need dan around though, as I feel guilty walking through the apartment door with arms covered in bags full of useless junk to be greeted by furrowed eyebrows and a discoloured smile. dan doesn't find this shopping spree to be of any importance to him, however he still cracks a smile when I reveal the scented whoopsie cushions and rubber duck printed coasters that we can decorate the apartment with. dan doesn't enjoy the clutter of the apartment, but he enjoys the clutter of my mind as I spend the next hour recounting my adventures of the day because I wished every second that he could be with me. I guess you could say I'm in love.

 

IX.

fun fact of being an adult is learning that doing the laundry is much more enjoyable when you have someone to keep you company. spin cycle takes roughly twenty minutes which is enough time for a quick fuck but not enough to clean the sheets afterwards, so dan and I have resorted to ballroom dancing. now, to set things straight, I am a much better dancer than dan, no matter how much he argues, his two left feet really say something about him, and it's not just because he has big feet. dan's awkward to dance with, which worries me deeply about our future wedding night, as my biggest fear and now recurring nightmare revolves around dan's clumsiness on the dance floor resulting in a flying wedding cake and a stained suit and tie. however, no matter how horrid dan's dancing is, it doesn't stop me from wanting to dance with him at all. dan is surprisingly well postured when it comes to movement, and it's often hard to recognise him on the dance floor if you're looking for slumped shoulders and a neck that buries itself into your torso. his frame becomes ten times more masculine and powerful that it actually leaves me breathless sometimes. but if dan's good at anything, it's twirling me around on his fingertips he always compliments how nice my body looks swirling around next to his, making me a dangerous hurricane that dan wants to chase after. three consecutive electronic beeps mean the spin cycle is over and before you know it, we're piling the clothes into the dryer, which, luckily for us, takes an hour to finish its cycle, giving dan and i plenty of time to chase each other around the apartment before collapsing into each other's arms and pressing our lips together for reassurance. I guess you could say I'm in love.

 

X.

there are times I wonder if I'll wake up one day and this beautiful life I see before my eyes is merely a dream, an unfortunate fantasy that my imagination how sickly created to make me feel less alone. however, it's always reassuring waking up next to rich brown hair and a body made of diamonds every single morning, to feel warm air tickle my neck and to meet eyes that make you feel at ease. there's no guessing when I wake up, because I know. I know that I'm in love. and it's the most wonderful feeling.


End file.
